next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
