Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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