Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
