He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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