He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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