dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
