You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
