Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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