yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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