If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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