her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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