I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Two words: blizzard sex
not ubering you a puppy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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