we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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