I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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