yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
