Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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