Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
