i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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