I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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