I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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