Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That accounts for only three of the penises
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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