Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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