I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize