Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
