the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
