He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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