five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
