A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
