a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
