do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
