I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
