I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize