my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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