Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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