You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
