New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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