I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
