Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
