Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
