Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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