Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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