i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
