I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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