My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
