i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
