i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I love you.
Bad choice
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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