Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
