He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
