You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
