i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
