half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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