You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
