Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
