Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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