Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
