Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
