You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize