there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.