I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence