hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.