Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.