I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.