Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
