Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
