I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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