By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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