Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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