Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
