Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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