Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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