i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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