Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
