The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it because I queefed?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
